It’s 5:40 am on the 15th of December. What I am suppose to be doing is studying for my Japanese test but I just don’t want to. It’s extremely predictable of me to just do nothing relating to studying any subject, in fact I completely avoid studied in any way possible. why would I do such a detrimental thing? I sure has hell don’t know. That seems to be a theme throughout this whole semester where I feel that whatever I may be doing it doesn’t fell right. I did not remotely enjoy my textiles class because it was frankly boring just fucking boring. My drawing class went to hell because in the middle of it I just completely quit. I was and probably still am empty of ambition of any appetite for doing anything. I drag myself to do anything. I wait to take a bath, to brush my teeth, to wake up, to clean, to give a shit. I just wait. That’s my occupation, to just wait for something to happen, for anxiety to burst mostly. Then there are days, maybe hours when I say to myself that I should give a shit……that I’ll do it next time. That’s a complete fucking lie. Honestly I’m doubting about studying interior design at all. Maybe it was a far flung idea, something more in la la land than in reality or maybe I’m just full a shit and should find confidence in my puny self and just get on with something, anything. I just want to get on without feeling that…………………
